ToxicTactics

Toxic Tactics

1. Guilt-Tripping

Leveraging guilt to manipulate others into compliance or agreement, often by exaggerating their own victimhood.

2. Projection

Accusing others of the behaviors or attitudes they themselves exhibit to deflect criticism or accountability.

3. Stonewalling

Refusing to engage in conversation, address conflict, or provide clarity, leaving others frustrated and powerless.

4. Gaslighting

Undermining someone’s sense of reality by denying events, feelings, or facts to manipulate them into doubt.

5. Playing the Victim

Consistently framing oneself as oppressed or mistreated to evade responsibility or garner sympathy.

6. Weaponized Compassion

Exploiting others’ empathy by claiming to act in the name of justice, equality, or shared values, while pursuing self-serving goals.

7. Shaming and Public Outing

Using public platforms to humiliate or ostracize others, often over minor infractions or misunderstandings.

8. Ambiguity and Double Standards

Establishing unclear rules or moral standards that shift based on personal advantage, making it impossible for others to “win.”

9. Triangulation

Drawing third parties into a conflict to create alliances, isolate dissenters, or validate one’s perspective.

10. Dismissive Mockery

Responding to criticism or disagreement with sarcasm, ridicule, or belittling remarks to invalidate others.

11. Overgeneralizations

Using sweeping statements (e.g., “all men are…,” “all TERFs are…”) to avoid engaging with nuance or individual differences.

12. Silencing Through Morality Policing

Declaring dissenting views as inherently harmful or immoral to discourage discussion or critique.

Why These Tactics Occur

• They often stem from personal insecurity, a desire for control, or unresolved trauma.

• In some cases, ideological rigidity or a fear of vulnerability drives these behaviours.

Constructive Approaches

Rather than focusing on specific groups, it’s more productive to identify and address these behaviours when they arise, regardless of the individual’s identity or affiliations. Building open, empathetic communication and seeking common ground can help de-escalate conflicts rooted in these dynamics.

Passive-Aggressive Control Tactics

Here’s a general list of toxic tactics used to exert passive-aggressive control and avoid accountability. These behaviours can occur in personal, professional, or social contexts:

Passive-Aggressive Control Tactics

1. Guilt-Tripping

• Making someone feel guilty for actions or choices without directly expressing concerns.

• Example: “I guess I’ll just do everything myself since no one else seems to care.”

2. Silent Treatment

• Refusing to engage or communicate to punish someone and force them to comply.

• This creates discomfort and leaves the other person guessing about the issue.

3. Sabotage

• Intentionally undermining or obstructing someone’s efforts to make them fail without taking direct action.

• Example: Failing to pass on important information or support.

4. Feigning Helplessness

• Pretending to be incapable of performing tasks or responsibilities to avoid them.

• Example: “I’m just not good at this. You’re better at it, so you do it.”

5. Withholding Praise or Support

• Avoiding positive reinforcement or help to diminish someone’s confidence or contributions.

6. Indirect Criticism

• Delivering criticism through jokes, sarcasm, or backhanded compliments.

• Example: “Wow, you actually finished something on time for once.”

7. Procrastination

• Deliberately delaying tasks to create stress for others, often under the guise of being “too busy.”

8. Playing Dumb

• Pretending not to understand a situation or expectation to avoid responsibility.

9. Avoiding Responsibility Through Vagueness

• Providing unclear responses or commitments to deflect accountability.

• Example: “I thought you meant something else.”

10. Triangulation

• Involving third parties to create conflict or manipulate relationships.

• Example: Telling others negative things about someone to isolate them.

Avoiding Accountability Tactics

1. Blame Shifting

• Redirecting fault to someone else to avoid scrutiny.

• Example: “If you hadn’t done X, I wouldn’t have had to do Y.”

2. Minimization

• Downplaying the harm caused by their actions.

• Example: “You’re overreacting. It wasn’t that bad.”

3. Denial

• Refusing to admit wrongdoing or responsibility, even when confronted with evidence.

4. Defensiveness

• Reacting with hostility or excuses instead of addressing valid criticism.

• Example: “Why are you always attacking me?”

5. Playing the Victim

• Shifting focus to their own struggles or hardships to elicit sympathy and deflect accountability.

6. Deflecting with Humor or Charm

• Using jokes or charm to distract from serious issues.

• Example: “Oh, come on, I was just joking. Lighten up!”

7. Whataboutism

• Shifting attention to someone else’s faults or mistakes instead of addressing their own.

• Example: “Well, what about when you did X?”

8. Selective Memory

• Claiming to forget key details to avoid responsibility or commitments.

• Example: “I don’t remember agreeing to that.”

9. Gaslighting

• Manipulating someone into doubting their own perception or memory.

• Example: “That’s not what happened; you’re imagining things.”

10. Overreacting to Criticism

• Responding to feedback with exaggerated emotion to discourage further critique.

• Example: Bursting into tears or getting angry when confronted.

Why These Behaviors Occur

• They often stem from insecurity, fear of conflict, or a desire to maintain control without confrontation.

• Avoidance of accountability can be driven by fear of consequences or lack of self-awareness.

How to Address These Behaviors

• Set boundaries: Be clear about your expectations and limits.

• Communicate directly: Address issues calmly and assertively.

• Avoid escalation: Stay focused on the behavior rather than attacking the person.

• Seek support: In recurring or severe cases, consider mediation or counseling.