Government as Parent

Government as Parent: How Treating Adults Like Children Undermines Society

In Eric Berne’s Transactional Analysis (TA), human interactions operate from three primary ego states: Adult, Parent, and Child.

• The Adult state is rational, objective, and reality-oriented, the mature problem-solver.
• The Parent state is nurturing or critical, often directive and rule-giving.
• The Child state is emotional, spontaneous, and dependent, playful, rebellious, or adaptive.

Healthy Adult-to-Adult interactions form the basis of mutual respect between equals. Parent-to-Child dynamics are appropriate in actual parenting or temporary guidance situations. However, there is no true Adult-to-Child dynamic in TA; attempting to force one creates friction. When one party shifts into Parent mode and tries to push an Adult into Child mode, the recipient often reacts with resistance, resentment, or regression into Child behaviours (fight, flight, fawn, or freeze).

From experience and necessity, I adapt Berne’s model to include a fourth state: Mature. This represents integrated wisdom beyond basic Adult functionality, the capacity for responsibility, foresight, and self-mastery earned through lived choices. For simplicity in this overview, Mature can be grouped with Adult, but the distinction matters: governance requires Mature Adults, not merely functional ones or those playing at authority.

Governance and Ego States

A nation functions best when governed by Mature Adults who engage the population Adult-to-Adult. Anything less reflects inexperience or ineptitude. When government steps out of Adult mode into Parent mode, issuing top-down directives, removing choices, and micromanaging daily life, it attempts to force citizens into Child mode. This is the essence of authoritarian governance.

“Authority” itself is frequently misused as a strawman. The word derives from “author”, a published expert whose respect is earned through proven expertise and achievement. True authority is relative and earned, not a job title or uniform. Authoritarian, by contrast, describes a dominator who enforces order without consent. It signals control, not competence.

Libertarian-leaning governance stays in Adult mode, respecting individual agency and intervening only where necessary. Authoritarian Parent-mode governance is demeaning by design. Reasonable adults recognise this behavioural strategy as unnecessary and offensive. Adults respect other adults as adults. It really is that simple.

The Damage: Infantilisation Prevents Maturity

Treating adults like children does not merely annoy, it actively harms personal and societal development. Pride, confidence, and respectability arise only when people face real choices and bear the consequences. When government removes agency through excessive regulation, surveillance, moralising edicts, or dependency-creating policies, individuals cannot prove their responsibility. Without that proving ground, genuine maturity cannot develop.

Authoritarianism strips away the very experiences that forge wisdom: choosing the right path (or the wrong one and learning from failure). Adults denied meaningful choices remain stunted; not because they are inherently childish, but because the system refuses to let them grow. The result is a population of perpetual adolescents or, worse, “dumbed-down slaves” who lack internal locus of control. Wisdom cannot flourish in such soil. A society of managed children produces no elders, only dependents.

This dynamic reliably breeds dissent. Resentment builds when capable adults are patronised and controlled. Pushed into Child mode against their will, people react predictably: rebellion (fight), withdrawal (flight), performative compliance (fawn), or paralysis (freeze). None of these foster social cohesion or innovation. They erode trust in institutions and fuel division.

A government that defaults to Parent mode misreads its own people. It assumes incompetence where experience and capability exist. This is not protective parenting. It is ineptitude dressed as care. It reveals a lack of faith in the citizenry and, ultimately, in the principles of a free society.

The Path Forward: Adult-to-Adult Governance

Nations thrive when governance operates from Mature Adult mode: transparent, accountable, and respectful of agency. Citizens in turn develop the self-respect, wisdom, and responsibility that strong societies require. Treating people as perpetual children does the opposite. It creates fragility, resentment, and decline.

Restoring Adult-to-Adult relations between government and governed is not radical. It is the minimum requirement for a mature civilisation. Anything else is a regression into Parent-Child games that diminish everyone involved.